May 17, 2011

For Better or For Natural? You've Got Mail

Dear CC
My natural hair is extremely thin but healthy, however, I have worn a wig for many years.  I have recently been exposed to your blog, among many others, all celebrating natural hair.  I had no idea this world existed, but I am glad I know now.   I am ready to take the wig off and wear my own hair with the help of a few styling ideas from friends.  There’s only one problem, and his name is Mister.  I met my Nigerian husband seven years ago at a gathering at a mutual friend’s home.  I have worn my wig throughout my entire marriage and my husband has never really seen me without it except for at bedtime.  I know what you’re thinking, a man from the Mother land prefers fake hair?  Well yes, exactly.  Clearly he has adopted the Western idea of beauty and I never really thought about it until now.  He loves my wig, which is just a basic black wig with large sized curls, the kind achieved through a roller set.  He is not at all pleased with my decision to ditch the wig.  He even made a few negative remarks about the appearance of my hair without the wig.  I want my husband to be satisfied with the way I look and be attracted to me, however, I am ready for a change.
My Response:
First of all, welcome to the world of Natural Hair Media!  It is amazing how many resources are out there dedicated to the topic.  Every day it seems there is another blog unturned.  Second,   your dilemna is not at all uncommon.  I have witnessed many women concerned about changing their hair, natural or otherwise, and whether or not their spouse/significant other will “approve”.  I’ve been there myself.  You love your man and you want him to find you physically attractive.  I am not going to give you the “it’s your hair, not his” speech that can be heard in any circle of women.   Instead, I am going to offer a few suggestions on how to ease your guy into your new look.
1.   Show him natural hair is sexy too!
Men are attracted to confident women and if you wear your mane with confidence, he can’t help but be attracted to you.  The positive energy you put out there will reach him and hopefully be reciprocated.  This could also be a time to introduce some role play into your lives.  Explain to him that it will be like dating a different woman.
2.   The Touch Factor
Touch is sensual and intimate.  Encourage him to touch and feel your soft coils and he may start to view the whole idea differently.
3.   Share with him what you’ve learned
Sometimes people reject things they don’t understand.  Don’t bog him down with the details because he could probably care less about the a b c’s of trichology.  Tell him your reasons for wanting to proudly display your natural tresses.  Once he sees you in your fresh, cute styles, he will soon forget about that wig.  Eventually his response will be “if you like it, I love it”. 

Curly Chic


Anonymous said...

those are really great suggestions. i'd be interested to know how it turns out with her and her husband after a few months of this.

Curly Chic said...

I was thinking that same thing! Perhaps I will send a follow up email in a few months. I would like to see pictures too!
Thanks for reading and commenting!